UGLY SWEATER

Now everyone loves ugly Christmas sweaters, beards and Santa boots!

Now everyone loves ugly Christmas sweaters, beards and Santa boots!

There’s a growing trend that’s been happening over the last few years for people to find (and wear) the ugliest Christmas sweaters available. Just about every retail store I’ve entered in the last month has been selling “ugly sweaters” and even advertises them as such. I’ve seen all sorts of creations from crude to rude to blinging and jingle bell ringing. I’ve seen them from simply odd and confusing to celebrating parties with presidents boozing. I’ve seen them from movie quotes to age old jokes to dinosaurs like Tyrannosaurus Rex and pictures of reindeer having cocoa. So how did we get to the point of competing to wear the tackiest garments we can find?

I’d like to think ugly Christmas sweaters are weaved from the laughter of elves and jollies of Old Saint Nick, but I’m pretty sure the original ugly sweaters were created through a communication breakdown or mishap in a factory. The inventory of ruined sweaters was then delivered to outlet stores at a discounted rate for grandmothers and mothers-in-law to purchase for their least favorite relatives. In an effort to gain favor with these relatives, the new sweater owner would be forced to wear it to holiday gatherings year after year. Picking up last minutes items at the grocery store, or filling up the car with gas for holiday travel, each lowly sweater owner would catch a glimpse of a sewn on ornament or hear the jingle of a sweater bell and realize they’re not alone. Each year they asked Santa for relief from the torment. They would whisper to every Santa at the mall, “Please let someone give me a beautiful sweater!” Then one Christmas, Santa forgot his wedding anniversary and received his very own ugly sweater. Sharing in the ugly sweater wearers’ dilemma, he sent elves to coffee shops and craft breweries across the land. Each elf told the story of how they liked Santa and ugly sweaters before everyone else did and how Santa’s workshop fights corporate America or something like that. Now everyone loves ugly Christmas sweaters, beards and Santa boots!

Disclaimer: This story may or may not be true. The author of this story has no long/short positions in Christmas sweaters. Past performance does not guarantee future results unless we’re talking about candy canes. It is not implied or encouraged to tell anyone you love their ugly sweater but by all means tell someone Merry Christmas!

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